under a stary desert sky

Sitting under a star-filled sky, staring at the Milkyway above my head has always invoked this feeling of how small I am in this world, at times even provoking a feeling of insignificance. My life is a blip in the timeframe of this world, and my being is incomprehensively small compared to the mountains surrounding me. The feelings I get staring at the sky have always been incredibly humbling, liberating, and overwhelming to process alone, much less trying to put a grasp on those thoughts when I’m with others.

When traveling solo, I would pass groups or couples camping together and put a story together in my head of what they may be talking about, the love they were feeling, or how they knew each other. Traveling now with a partner and at times with friends, it feels odd to be on the other end—to have someone, to be part of those groups. The other night camping, I thought about what the few cars that passed us thought of us. I tried to picture myself out-of-body, watching me rest my hand on Michael’s leg while Julia held him and Theo held me. My mind quickly drifted to the thought of how lucky I am to know them, to receive love and affection from them, to receive the gift of their time.

Michael started talking about connectivity. How he and I became connected, how we met our friend Lauren through the same connector, and I met Lauren the same way he met me—all through Meredith, his twin sister. And I met Julia through Theo and met Theo through a college friend, and now Micahel knows them through me. It’s a wild thought to think how one interaction can lead to a plethora of new friends. I hired Meredith for a part-time job in Austin. I can’t imagine not knowing her. She’s charismatic, crafty, kind, shares her love without bounds, and all-around wonderful. It’s absurd to think that if I didn’t interview her or hire her—I wouldn’t know some of my favorite people of this year, people who deeply impacted the way I show up in this world.

I think of my closest friends, my favorite people, and it’s easy to make a long list of why they hold special places in my heart. I’m overwhelmed thinking of the people who love me back, while I feel lucky solely to exist in their world. Connectivity is a wild topic, and thinking of the source to each connection only roots my love deeper for that individual. And Michael sparking this thought while I’m holding these friends on desert sand, thinking of how fortunate I am to share this space with them, only affirms how expanding it is to know him.

That night in the desert, we danced under the stars, watched the moon rise over the horizon, shared many words of affirmation and gratitude, and shared a short meditation bringing us into the present moment. Camping under a star-filled sky will always feel vulnerable to me. I feel dumb lucky I get to share this sky with friends like them.

return of the bison

shower talk